How To Stop Feeling Guilty
by Megan Wyatt, Founder of Wives of Jannah
Women struggle with feeling guilty. A lot.
I would say it's one of the most powerful invisible forces that hold women back from living their best life.
What do women feel guilt about? Almost anything! But here some of the examples I've heard just within the last several months alone from Muslim wives in my coaching program.
Women feel guilty for.....
...wanting time away from their kids to be alone.
...wanting to sit down, relax, and do nothing.
...asking their husband to put the baby down for a nap so she can clean the house.
...asking for more money to purchase something she really needs or wants.
...not using their formal education and "just being a mom."
...wanting to spend more time with their husband when he's tired.
...wanting their husband to take a parenting course so they are on the same page.
...not having dinner done on time to serve the family or the inlaws as guests.
...not having the house clean all the time!
...not being in better shape.
...not doing everything herself and making whatever she is doing Pinterest worthy!
What's so interesting about guilt is that, generally speaking, men don't feel it as often or as intensely as women do. There are numerous studies that have been conducted trying to understand why so many women describe feeling guilt about so many areas of their life.
When is the last time you heard a man say he felt guilty for taking the car to get the oil changed?
When is the last time you heard a man say he felt guilty because the house wasn't perfect?
When is the last time you heard a man say he felt guilty for sitting down and relaxing after work?
Unless his wife has told him his actions upset her the chances are he feels just....fine.
And many men I work with feel fine. In fact, they feel fine until their wife tells them that she isn't happy with his choices at home.
So maybe us females are hardwired or culturally nurtured to feel guilty. I can't claim to have the facts on that one.
But here is what I do know will help you stop feeling guilty especially around your husband.
"Instead of focusing on guilt, which ultimately is about you, focus on gratitude which is about giving to others. When your husband does something nice or considerate don't feel guilty. Feel grateful! Change your habit from thinking of you-you-you to reflecting appreciation for that man who is supporting you in your life."
Instead of focusing on guilt, which ultimately is about you, focus on gratitude which is about giving beyond yourself.
When your husband does something nice or considerate don't feel guilty. Feel grateful!
Change your habit from thinking of you-you-you to reflecting appreciation for that man who is supporting you in your life.
What's so interesting about "feeling guilty" all the time is that ultimately it's a selfish feeling and trains you to only see yourself in the situation.
It removes the space where you can express gratitude for doing what's important to you or being offered the help and support you should receive from a partner.
Without gratitude, your husband can't win. He can't do something for you and see you happy.
Because no matter what he does, no matter how sweet, supportive, romantic, or sacrificial it won't register because instead of gracefully receiving like a queen you're "feeling guilty" like a a peasant not worth being given to.
Girl, chin up!
Let your man honor your needs and wants.
He might not be able to honor all of them at the same time but when he does say THANK YOU!
Offer him the recognition that he is, in fact, a decent and loving man.
"With gratitude, you can change the habit of guilt into one of truly receiving in your life while also giving to the man you love something he deeply desires: appreciation and recognition. "
Feeling guilty, at its root, says you don't believe you're worth it.
You don't believe you deserve to be given to and treated well.
You don't deserve to be imperfect, have limits, or have desires.
It's rooted in how you see yourself. You'll go to the ends of the earth for someone else but no one else is allowed to do the same for you.
Let's change that.
You are a full human being like any one else on the planet, male or female.
With gratitude, you can change the habit of guilt into one of truly receiving in your life while also giving to the man you love something he deeply desires: appreciation and recognition.